Free Speech Online Blueribbon Campaign

Filk Songs of Rokugan

When Allan Seyberth stopped supporting L5R and took his page down, I played Rally Troops and took over this page...

One years and STILL waiting on the lyrics for the song Mindy never wants to talk about, somthing about Elvis I believe...

With a heavy debt to JL Robert - the Gaijin Comic. Feel free to send your own filk song about any Legends of the Five Rings facet. It's all welcome at the Toku Musical


FEED SHUTEN DOJI

(Sung to the tune of "Brush Up Your Shakespeare" from Kiss Me Kate)


The people in Crab society
Aren't the pictures of piety:
They let in the baddies for a power trip
And Fu Leng made sure Kisada got whipped
But now the Crab have nasty allies
Oni, Mujina, and Undead- oh my!
(Unless an Iris Festival pops up
Then I guess you are shit out of luck)

But the one ghost of them all
Who'll have 'em simply ravin'
Is the one that's +1 all
Whenever he gets to straighten

Feed Shuten Doji!
Start pumping him now!
Feed Shuten Doji!
Soon opponents will cry "HOW?!"

Don't worry if Mitsu can't straighten
'Cause your ghost with the most liberates him
Black Scroll corruption tokens? No problem!
The shugenja's saved when Doji pops 'em!
And if someone's got Farmlands for followers
Those peasants will be handily swallowered

Feed Shuten Doji,
And they'll all bow down!

The Dead Lion Clan Champion

JUST YOU WAIT, TOSHIMOKO

(Sung (briefly) to the tune of "Just You Wait, Henry Higgins" from My Fair Lady)


Just you wait, Toshimoko, just you wait!
You will focus but your strike will be too late
'Cause I bowed twenty holdings and my Stronghold
My Geisha Assassin has a Chi of forty-one, so
Just you wait, Toshimoko, just you wait!

The Dead Lion Clan Champion

TOTURI'S ARMY

(sung to the tune of "Margaritaville")


Nibblin' on rice cakes
Watchin' the heads bake
All of those ronin covered with scars
My name is Ginawa
I'm huntin' an outlaw
Smell those shrimp, they're beginning to boil

Wastin' away again in Toturi's Army
Searching for my old master's kill-ar
Some people claim that it's just bad luck to blame
But I know it's nobody's fault

I don't know the reason
I joined these ronin
Nothin' to show but some small victories
But now I don't cringe-a
'Cause I can duel Ninja
Any time I want, put 'em on their knees

Wastin' away again in Toturi's Army
Searchin' for my old master's kill-ar
Some people claim that it's just bad luck to blame
Now I think: Heck, it could be my fault

Broke my naginata
Stepped on Toku's katana
Cut my heel, had to go back to camp
But I got my sake
And soon it will knock me
Back to a day when I wasn't so limp

Wastin' away again in Toturi's army
Searchin for my old master's kill-ar
Some people claim that it's just bad luck to blame
But I know it's my own danged fault
Yes, and some people claim that it's just bad luck to blame
And I know it's my own danged fault

The Dead Lion Clan Champion

ARAMORO'S OATH

(sung (VERY briefly) to the tune of "For You I Will")


If some bastard challenges you
I will duel that bastard for you...

The Dead Lion Clan Champion

HEY, HEY CORNEJO

(a parody of "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep")


Hey, hey Cornejo
Have you any bombs?
Yes, sir, yes, sir
Been bombing all day long:
One for the Diamond Mine
And one for the Works-o-Jade,
And one for the Retired General that lives down the lane.

The Dead Lion Clan Champion

They call him Toku

(Sung to the tune of Flipper)


(Soaring 60's string build culminating in a crunching noise...)

They call him Toku, Toku, faster than lightning;
No one you see, is cheaper than he;
And we know Toku, lives in a world full of wonder;
Lying there inside, in the oni.

James R Dunson

Monstrous Dance Machine of Fu Leng

(Sung to the tune of ??!?)


Our scene:
(Toturi is standing around looking cool, Toku runs on stage.)
Toku: It's worse than we feared, Toturi! The Shadowlands are already upon us!

("BAHM BAHM BAH-DA BAHM!!")

Toturi: What's that noise?!

("BAHM BAHM BAH-DA BAHM!!")

Tk: It's the -!
(The trees in the background fall back, revealling a group of black lion dancers rocking out. They part as well to reveal Yogo Junzo and a bunch of Oni. In the background, the Monstrous Dance
Machine looms)

("BAH-DOOP DOOP DOOP BAH-DAH DOOP DOOP DOOP!!")

(Yogo Junzo points to his Oni)

Yogo Junzo: Yeah!

(YJ gestures to his dance machine and begins to groove)

YJ: HELL YEAH!!
Ya' know I am the biggest badass short 'da Fu Leng Man!

Onis: YEAH!!

YJ: An' I say the raunchy oaths for the darkest hand!
Cause all 'da *ladies* singin':

Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

YJ: An' all the ONIS say'in:

Onis: EV'RY BODY WANTS TAH DANCE! EV'RY BODY WANTS TO GO!

Tk: You'll never get away with this!

YJ: Sit on back and watch me son:
Ya' know you can run but you can't hide!
With the Dark Divination I look deep inside!
'cause all the ladies singin':

Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

YJ: An' all the Onis say'in:

Onis: EV'RY BODY WANTS TAH DANCE! AN' EV'RY BODY WANTS TO GO!

YJ: Ya' know I gots to say it, my man Shikibu!
He's a commin' again, bettah let him thru!
when all those ladies singin':
Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

YJ: Ya' *know* the Onis sayin':

Onis: EV'RY BODY WANTS TAH DANCE! AN' EV'RY BODY WANTS TO GO!!
(close-up on the big-assed discoball, and then pan back to reveal the Emperor, wearing his Porcelain Mask, has come on for no reason to do a brief
rap)

Emperor: Now here's my main man, here what he say!
OR ya' know I'll come back to kick yo ass some day!
Now the Kisada man, now there's a chump!
Cause I beat him on down an' I *kicked* *his* -

YJ: An' *all* the ladies singin':

Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

YJ: Cause all the Onis sayin':

Onis: EV'RY BODY WANTS TAH DANCE, AN' EV'RY BODY WANTS TO GO!

Shikibu: Hey now everyone, now don't be shy!
The Dance Machine don't take no lies!
Now Shake! Ev'ry Body now Shake!
Shik! Shik! Shik Ya' Butey!
YJ: Cause all the ladies singin':

Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

Kumo: When ya' come round here better be ready tah die,
Lest ya' greet my Mac 10, an' hear *it* *say*...
HI!

YJ: When all the ladies singin':

Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

YJ: Then all the Onis sayin':

Onis: EV'RY BODY WANTS TAH DANCE, AN' EV'RY BODY WANTS TO GO!
(and the fireworks start goin' off, roman candles start spewing
colored fireballs all over the place for no reason)

YJ: Hit it!

Earth Terror: Now here's my only number, bettah make it good!
Cause ya know ya little man, my arms are made uh' wood!
While my arms and legs are made out ah trees,
Ya' know you cannot hide, you're made out of me!
YJ: You know it!

Ladies: ev'ry body wants tah dance, an' ev'ry body wants to go!

YJ: Get's me right here!
(YJ does a pelvic thrust)

Onis: EV'RY BODY WANTS TAH DANCE! AN' EV'RY BODY WANTS TO GO!

(BAHM BAHM BAH-DUM BAHM!!)

(bahm bahm bah-dum bahm!)

(bahm a-dahma bah - dahm bahm!)

Toku: The hell was that?!

Frank Trollman

Here comes TOKU!

(Using the Theme Song from Highlander.)


Here I come, Toku of Rokugan.
Here I am, Fighting for the Favor
I am Toku, I have inside me
Blood the oni likes

I am Toku, I am the best
Cause I am free-----

Yeah! (Gulp..Gulp..)

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!

H. Zheng The Nameless One


--How many ku could a Toku ku if a Toku could Toku....
--

Shouldn't that be:
--How many ku could a Toku To if a Toku could Toku ?

And what about:

Sukune Sadato!
What a wonderful phrase.
Sukune Sadato!
Ain't no passing craze.

It means no worries
during infantry phase.
It's your cavalry philosophy.
Sukune Sadato!

Jim Tyler

SMELLS LIKE ONI BREAKFAST

(Sung to the tune of 'Smells like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana)


Now Toku comes, bring your friends
It's far to early to pretend
He's just a meal for Oni no Tsuburo
Despite his taunts and dirty words

Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no

For us Onis, it's less dangerous
We need munchies, Toku feeds us
We're powerful, so people play us
We need munchies, Toku feeds us
Oni-Akuma, Hida Yakamo,
Oni no Ogon, Oni no Tsuburo

YEAH!

Forces of good against us fight
The Crab help us, we feel their plight
Hida Sukune fed us then
And now we feed on Toku again

Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no

For us Onis, it's less dangerous
We need munchies, Toku feeds us
We're powerful, so people play us
We need munchies, Toku feeds us
Oni-Akuma, Hida Yakamo,
Oni no Ogon, Oni no Tsuburo

YEAH!

We're worst at what we do best
So for a snack we eat our guests
Take the empire, kill what we find
They cannot stop us so nevermind

Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no
Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no

For us Onis, it's less dangerous
We need munchies, Toku feeds us
We're powerful, so people play us
We need munchies, Toku feeds us
Oni-Akuma, Hida Yakamo,
Oni no Ogon, Oni no Tsuburo

YEAH!

No more Toku, no more Toku, no more Toku, no more Toku...

Jon Palmer Crane Clan Iaijutsu Sensei

The Battle of Beiden Pass

(sung to Led Zeppelin's 'Battle for Evermore')


Kachiko spoke to the Crab
and then they turned to go.
The fallen man prepared for them,
and faced his deadly foe.

Oh, fight in the dark of night,
fight till the morning light.
Kisada comes in force tonight,
Toturi must not fall.

Oh, prepare for Lord Yakamo,
Don't rest till you've saved your homes.

Side by side we wait the might
of the strongest of them all.

I hear the horses' thunder
on the other side of the pass.
I'm waiting for the fury of Osano-Wo,
waiting for that magic blast.

This simple pass named Beiden holds
the keys to Rokugan,
the ground is trampled nearly bare,
all normal life is gone, no, no...

Oh, fight in the dark of night,
fight till the morning light.
The pass is filled with warring men,
The ground is mostly red.

Oh, the war is going strong.
It seems it can't last long.
The pass is filled with ronin strong,
That Clans will never know.

Oh, now, Hitomi fights,
With burly Yakamo.
He grabs the sword she carries,
and snaps it with one blow.

The pain of war cannot exceed
the woe of aftermath.
Thunder shakes the ground again,
The Unicorns are back.
Ride On.

Aim as you raise your bow,
shoot straighter than before.
All now rest, too tired to fight,
Except for sentries bold.

Oh, fight in the dark of night.
fight till the morning light.
The magic of the Phoenix helps
to swing the balance back.
Swing it back.

At last the sun is shining,
the clouds of blue roll on,
With help from the Dragon shugenja,
Toturi's Army's won.

Dan Grendell Naga Clan Footsoldier


And now, from the album, "A Night at the Kubuki",

ROKUGAN RHAPSODY


Is this Rokugan?
Is this just a card game?
Caught in the struggle,
To succeed the dying Hantei.

Come on and play,
Spend all your money
And see...

I'm just a Toku,
I get no sympathy.
Because he's cheap to buy,
Quick to go.
Chi not high,
Force real low.

Even if Stale Wind blows,
It doesn't really matter to me...
To me.

Sensei, just killed a man!
He deuled me, "Strike," I said,
Poisoned Weapon, now he's dead.
Sensei, my Chi is just one,
But now, I've won
And I'm ready to go my own way!

Sensei, oo-ooh,
Please train me another time!
I need to get my values high
For next turn!
I'll fight on, I'll fight on.
'Cause it doesn't really matter.

His turn, he calls attack!
Sends a single card to fight,
Toku blocks with all his might.
Too weak, Toku thinks, just shugenja.
But he pulls a fast one
And plays Sneak Attack!

Sensei, oo-ooh, (Even if Stale Wind Blows)
Toku's gonna die!
The Way of Deception
Just got played on him...

I see a creature coming
>From the Shadowlands.
Ogre Bush! Ogre Bush!
Can he do the Fandango?
Osano-Wo has lightning,
Very, very frightening, indeed!

Nageteppo! Nageteppo!
Nageteppo! Nageteppo!
Nageteppo! Nageteppo!
Ninjas go! The Ninjas go-o-o-o!

I'm just a Toku, nobody loves me!
He's just a Toku, Zero Force, just 1 Chi!
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!

Cheap to buy, quick to go,
Will you use Favor?
Of course not-NO! I will not use Favor.
Use Favor!
Of course not-I will not use Favor.
Use Favor!
Of course not-I will not use Favor.
Use Favor!
Will not use Favor.
Use Favor!
Will not use Favor.
Use Favor-or-or-or!
No! No! NO! NO! NO!! NO!!
NO!!!

Oh, Ogre Bushi! Ogre Bushi!
Ogre Bushi! Let me go!
Yogo Junzo has a Black Scroll
Set aside for me...for me...
For me....

So you think that I do not have a Block Supply Lines?!
Don't you think I have my plans for Toku to die?!
Oooh, Baby! Check out this Oni, maybe.
It's gonna come out, it's gonna come next turn, you'll see.

(Oni! Oni!)

Nothing really matters,
I'm just Oni feed.
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters,
To me.

Even if Stale Wind blows...

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic

(how about 'Little old lady from Pasadena'?)

Everybody knows that there's nobody meaner
than Oni no Tsuburu the Toku eater
He eats a personality, but what the heck
I've got 3 Tokus in my Dynasty Deck
It's Oni no Tsuburu the Toku eater...

Weatherbeez Hida Jaesun

Using "Mcdonald's Theme Song"



Toku:
If I had only had a warhorse,
And I hope I did.
I would not be jingled back and forth,
In this Oni's Belly!

Oni (bare in mind the translation from Oni to human may be off)
If he had a warhorse,
And I hope he did.
I would have a meal worth Two for One
I sure wish he did.

Taki:
If Toku had a warhorse,
And I hope he did.
He would have delivered my koku before dawn
Before I went broke!

darkfall@u.washington.eduThe Nameless One


AND NOW, BY POPULAR DEMAND (OK, by some demand)...

Sanzo



Another little jingle now! (thanks this time to TV westerns)

He's got a right to pick a little fight;
It's SANZO!
Any samurai who losses to him
Is sure gonna look silly.

One for Force, Chi of One,
This we guarantee!
One for Force, Chi of One,
And he's Cavalry!

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


Ginawa



("Gigantor")

Ginawa. Ginawa. Gina-a-a-wa.

Ginawa the skillful ronin,
He's at your command.
Ginawa the skillful ronin,
His power comes from your hand.

Not a high cost.
Not with a clan.
Is a duellist,
With the Jade Hand.
Ready to fight
Across Rokugan!

Ginawa. Ginawa. Gina-a-a-wa.

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic

[with a vigorous nod to Harry Bellafonte]




(ahem)

TOOOKU TOOOOoooKuuu
(Oni come an he wanna be fed....)

Come little Toku come join me clan
(Oni come an he wanna be fed)
Don't worry Toku it's part of de plan
(Oni come an he wanna be fed)

12 foot demon he want LUNCH
(Oni come an he wanna be fed)
Tasty little Toku he be BRUNCH
(Oni come an he wanna be fed)

TOOO! TOH OH OH Oh ooo ku!
(Oni come an he wanna be fed......)

Darious@nmia.com



Six foot, seven foot, eight foot ONI!
(Oni come and he wanna be fed)
Oni hope toku not too BONY!
(Oni come and he wanna be fed)

Oni got Toku up against the WALL!
(Oni come and he wanna be fed)
Soon Toku star in Bon festiviVAL!
(Oni come and he wanna be fed)

rfrazier@puc.edu

Tsu!....Tsuburu, Tsuburu, Tsuburu..u..u!
(Oni come and he wanna be fed)
He'll hit your province if it's all alone
But first a bit of Toku with jam and bread

schilder.michael@ic.gc.ca

(mi-mi-mi-mi-miii) [The Knack's "My Sharona"]



The deck was very good to me,
good to me.
But then the deck got better
After I-drew TOKU.

I got to bring him out for free,
out for free.
And when my next turn comes
I can en-hance TOKU.

He can't fight a fight,
lose each one.
Such a victim, but-
You can bring him out,
any time,
Doesn't cost a dime.

I, I, I, I-I, WOOOO!
M-m-m-my own Toku.

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic

And now, direct from the Starlight Ballroom--Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome...

FRANK SINATRA!!!


I get no kick from campaigns.
Mere battle calls,
They don't thrill me at all.
So, tell me, why should it be true,
That I get a kick from Toku?

Some may go the Iaijutsu way.
But I tell you if
I just focused a bit,
It would bore me terrif--ically too.
'Cause I get a kick from Toku!

I get a kick every time
I see him standing there
Before me.
I get a kick
Though it's clear to me
That inevitably
He'll feed an Oni!

I get no kick 'fore the Hantei,
Learning to cry
Out diplomatic lies
Is my idea of nothing to do,
Yet, I get a kick from Toku!


Ladies and Gentlemen!!! Frank Sinatra!!! [Applause]

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


...At 06:33 PM 6/4/96 -0700, Mouse wrote:
...All around the mulberry bush the Oni chased the Toku...

The Oni caught him and ate him for lunch,
POP! Goes the Toku.

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


In the meantime--Try using a tune Berlin had a few years ago.


Watching every action,
In this foolish Five Rings game.
Armies set in motion,
Scorpion Clan has no shame.
Turning every turn
Into some secret action whims.
Watching in slow motion
As you Kolat Master Him...

Toku went away--
Toku went away--

Watching I keep waiting,
Still anticipating luck.
Never hesitating
To play cards when they come up.
Turning every turn
Into some secret action whims.
Watching in slow motion
As you Kolat Master Him, and say

Toku went away--

Through the discard pile I saw Him,
In time He slipped away.
When the Oni came I called Him.
I turned to hear Him say,
"If only for today,
I am not afraid."

Toku went away--
Toku went away--

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


To the Tune of "Lola"


I meet him in the sakeworks one afternoon,
he was sittin' next to a guy I know named Miiiitsu
Togaaaashi Miiitsuuuu
I saw by his blade that he was samurai,
I asked him "kid, are you ready to die?"
Oh my Toooku

Now he's in my clan
I asked him to fight
He said now I can't,
but later I might...

Now I'm not the world's most cold-hearted guy,
but when the Lions showed up I knew it was "Toku, bye bye"
oh my Toku...
So I sent him down to province one,
Thinking by their Samurai he'd be undone
oh my Toku...

But he found the swamp,
and those Lions did too
I wondered what else
ol' Toku could do...

(more verses to come)

rfrazier@puc.edu


In the Jungle


In an army, a mighty army, the Lions creep tonight
With the province, the poorly defended Crane province, the Lions want to fight

(Various shouts and general shreiking)

In the village, the tiny Crane village, Toku prepare to fight.
Toku goes, to his death he know, the Lions he must fight.

(again, but getting more irritating)

Soon the swamplands, the mucky swamplands, the Lions see tonight
Now their armies, the Lion armies, no Toku can they bite

(you get the idea)

rfrazier@puc.edu


Three blind Toku
Three blind Toku
See how they run
See how they run
Trying to hide in an entrapping terrain...

bugmaster@pacificnet.net


_Toku ku ku, Taka ka ka _ "


(HINT: sing to The Police's "De Do Do Do De Da Da Da")

Don't think me unkind.
Gold is hard to find.
The holdings cost too much this time.
My Dynasty Deck's in a bind.
And when their cost in gold escapes me,
I look to those two cards, rest easy.

Toku ku ku, Taka ka ka,
Is all I get to play 'gainst you.
Toku ku ku, Taka ka ka,
Their innocence will pull me through.
Toku ku ku, Taka ka ka,
Is all I get to play 'gainst you.
Toku ku ku, Taka ka ka,
They're meaningless and all that's true.

Samurai and the shugenjas,
Have you to thank for their existence.
Costs that scream for your expenses,
But they play Energy Transference.
And when their cost in gold escapes me,
I look to those two cards, rest easy.


Let's see what I come up with tomorrow!

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


_Toku_


I went out looking for an army today
Just to find some fighters
who would fight with me
For some koku--
K-O-K-U, koku.

A man came to me and I asked him to join.
He agreed with me
And he said his name was a-Toku--
T-O-K-U, Toku
To-To, To-To, Toku.

[BIG BLANK]

Well, we fought all day and prayed all night.
Our foes all fell before our sight.
And as our forces swept across the land,
The noblest ones were the last to stand.

Well, I'm not Rokugan's wisest guy
But I know what I am,
I'm a Samurai
And so is Toku!
To-To, To-To, Toku!
To-To, To-To, Toku!

Sorry, just had to do it...again.

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


Toku's Free


(from "Take on Me" by a-ha)

Talking away,
I don't know what, what to say.
I'll say it anyway,
This turn has no holdings to bring out
Finding my play,
I won't discard that Oni today.

Toku's free.
Bring him out.
He'll be gone
In a turn or two.

So, needless to say
The Oni now'll be appeased
Don't let it wait!
Opponents know who he's gonna eat
Play just like me,
It's so better to be safe than sorry.

Toku's free.
Bring him out.
He'll be gone
In a turn or two.

Five Rings we play,
Remember, that this is just a game
Look out for "2 Graves",
You'll always have time to play reactions.
Finding my play,
I won't discard that Oni today.

Toku's free.
Bring him out.
He'll be gone
Anyway--

jlrobert@juno.com The Gaijin Comic


I'm Yasamura


(Sung to La Cucuracha)

I'm Yasamura, I'm Yasamura
People don't like me too much
I'm expensive
I'm a wussie
Ability isn't good.

webcomment2020@trevorstone.org, Unaligned Monk Adept of Void


Just a Shuten Doji / I ain't got no body


(Sung to "Just a Gigilo/I Ain't Got Nobody" by David Lee Roth)

(Scene: Shuten Doji singing, with the Bog Hag, Dark Daughter of Fu Leng, and Demon Bride of Fu Leng singing backup)

I'm just a Shuten Do- and ev'rywhere I go
People know the side I'm playing
Those festivals bring me down, two really make me frown
Ooh, I could say

There would come a day when Setsuban will be today
What could they say about me
When the end comes I know
There were just the Shuten Do-
Life goes on without me

I'm just a Shuten Do- (Shuten Doji!) everywhere I go (Everywhere he go)
People know the side I'm playing (he's playin'-he's playin'-he's playin')
The Dragon Sword's a-broken, (It's a-broken!)
but the Master Smith's a token, (It's a token!)
Ooh, I could say

There would come a day when Setsuban will be today
Ooh, What could they say about me
When the end comes I know
There were just the Shuten Do-
Life goes on without me

Cuz I ain't got no body
No body cares for me, no body, no body - no chi,
I'm so mad and hungry
Mad and hungry, mad and hungry
Won't some sweet Naga come and take a chance with me
Cuz I ain't so bad

Sad and lonesome all the time
Even when I eat, when I, when I eat
I ain't got no body
No body means no chi, no body, no body

Really ain't got no body, sad and lonesome
Baby I need food

I, I, I, ain't got no body
No body, no body means no chi, no body, no body
I'm so sad and hungry, sad and hungry
Won't some sweet Naga come and take a chance with me
Cuz I ain't so bad

Really want that token, little loving token all of the time
Even when I eat, when I, when I eat
Need a farmland token... naga... anything!
Feeling sick

Got no tokens! no, no body, no tokens!
No body, nothing, no one, no one

Loopey loop, darling, darling
Getting serious, got to eat them all
Over there. nobody, got no one, nothing, I'm dyin' baby!
No body, no tokens, nobody
No tokens, nobody cares for me... >THUMP<

mdmpa@cyberwar.com Bayushi Murai


Oni in Your Soul


(Sung to Birdhouse in Your Soul by They Might Be Giants)

I'm your oni friend
I'm not your oni friend
But I'm a little glowing friend
But really I'm not actually your friend
But I am...

Little oni in the garden by the dance troupe
Who watches over you?
Let this little giesha have your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it
Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Let this little giesha have your soul

I have a secret to tell
I'm just a demon from hell
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out
The whistles and bells
So the room must listen to me
Filibuster vigilantly
My name is Oni no Pekkle
Spelled V-I-L-E
My story's infinite
Like the Festering Pit
It doesn't rest

Little oni in the garden by the dance troupe
Who watches over you?
Let this little giesha have your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it
Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Let this little giesha have your soul

I'm your oni friend
I'm not your oni friend
But I'm a little glowing friend
But really I'm not actually your friend
But I am...

There's a picture opposite me
Of my primitive ancestry
Which stood on wasted lands and
Kept the forests human free
Though I respect that a lot
I'd be fired if that were my job
After killing Toku off and
Countless screaming Ashigaru
Oni of friendliness
Like guardian angels it's
Always near

Little oni in the garden by the dance troupe
Who watches over you?
Let this little giesha have your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it
Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Let this little giesha have your soul
And while you're at it
Let that l'il oni have it,
let that oni have your soul...

mdmpa@cyberwar.com Bayshi Murai, Scorpion Clan Corrupted Poet


Turn Around


(Sung to Turn Around by They Might Be Giants)

I was working all night with the kolat
When a man I had recently killed
Yelled at me up from a street near my building
So I looked out the tea house at him
He had the same obsequious manner
That was the reason I had him killed
So to calm my nerves I sang this song
To him, out the window

Turn around, turn around
There's a thing there that can be found
Turn around, turn around
It's a human skull on the ground
Human skull on the ground
Turn around

I was out by myself in the graveyard
I was trying to raise all the dead
When I felt something heavy and pointed
Strike me in the back of the neck
And then the ghost of my old ancestors
Pushed me down into an open grave
And as dirt rained down she played a xylophone
And sang me this song

Turn around, turn around
There's a thing there that can be found
Turn around, turn around
It's a human skull on the ground
Human skull on the ground
Turn around

We were waving our arms out the window
Of a monstrous war machine
Acting in an irresponsible fashion
Until the engineer, whose back had been turned
And who we thought would find us highly amusing
Quickly swiveled his head around
And his face which was a porcelain mask of evil
Sang us this song

Turn around, turn around
There's a thing there that can be found
Turn around, turn around
It's a human skull on the ground
Human skull on the ground
Turn around mdmpa@cyberwar.com Bayshi Murai, Scorpion Clan Corrupted Poet



Toku's Song


(sung to 'The Rose' by Bette Midler)

Some say honor is a river that flows from every deed
Some say honor is katana, that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say honor is a flower, choked down by every weed.
I say honor is an oni, and me, it's only feed.

It's the man without a clan sword that never raises chi.
It's the unit in the battle that meets the refugee.
It's the one who takes the fallen, and bids his brother rise.
It's the one who lobbys favor, but doesn't raise his eyes.

When the battle has been raging, and your lines have just been blocked
and you think that all your soldiers just peasants who have flocked.
Just remember in your army among the mighty ryu
Serves the meek and humble ronin whom some men
name Toku.

aflesch@calvin.usc.edu Alan Flesch, Dragon Clan Lounge Singer



Toturi's advice to Toku


(based on "As Time Goes By")

You must remember this
Avoid Kachiko's Kiss!
And watch that Ninja Spy!
The fundamental things apply
At lobby time!

'Enough talk' will not do
When your chi is less than two
Don't try to say 'He's Mine!'
Avoid the duels as best you can
At lobby time!

You've got to watch Kachiko, especially on a date
Heart full of evil, dead champion for a mate!
The emporer's posessed by a demon-god of hate!
That no-one will deny.

It's not part of the story
For you to get much glory
I'm pretty sure you'll die.
But I don't that let news disturb me.
At lobby time!

aflesch@calvin.usc.edu Alan Flesch, Dragon Clan Lounge Singer



Yesterday...


(sung to Yesterday by The Beatles)

Yesterday
All the oni seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh I believe in Yesterday.

Suddenly
I'm not all the man I used to be.
I think an oni's gone and eaten me.
Oh onis come so suddenly

Oh, I had to die
Don't know why
I couldn't say.
Was a happy guy
'fore I died. 'Twas yesterday...

Yesterday
Onis never chanced to cross my way
Now I'm eaten up and tucked away
I'd like to go to yesterday.

aflesch@calvin.usc.edu Alan Flesch, Dragon Clan Lounge Singer



One Night with Toku


(Sung to : One Night in Bangkok, from _Chess_)

TOKU:

Toku! Sake-works swilling
But Toturi don't know what I've been doing
The Creme-de-la-creme of the Ronin in an
Army with Everything but a Battle-maiden.

Time flies - doesn't seem a minute
Since Otosan-Uichi had an emporer in it.
One change - don't you know when Fu Leng
took _that_ body there's no ordinary duelling.

Hida Fortress ... Kakita Palace ... Agasha
Temples .. Or this camp.

TOTURI'S ARMY:

One night with Toku and the Naga-women
Their bodies temples but the pearls aint free!
You'll find a god inside the throne-room, Mister.
And if you're lucky then you'll walk out free.
I can feel Kachiko sliding up to me.

TOKU:

This town's just like the others
There's no geisha to rise _my_ brother!

ARMY:

It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be lobbying favor not looking at the Kitty.

TOKU:

Whaddaya mean? You've seen one drop-dead empress...

ARMY:

Tea, girls, warm sweet sweet
Some are set up in the Battle-maiden suite.

TOKU:

Get Bent! I'm hardly the tourist
My honor's enough to convince the purist.
But snake-like below the waistline, sunshine!

ARMY:

One night with Toku makes the good man humble
Not much between despair and ecstacy
One night with Toku and the tough guys tumble
Can't see To. Mitsu in his company
I can feel ol' Junzo walking next to me.

TOKU:

I am gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of Naga-clan fitness
This grips me more than would a
Dragon-clan Sam'rai or a temple of Shinsei.

And thank gods I'm only watching the war, controlling it.

I don't see you guys rating
the species-mate I'm contemplating
I'd let you know, I would invite you
But the geisha I'd take would not excite you.

So you'd better go back to your wars, your temples
your sake works.

ARMY:

One night with Toku and the Naga Women
their bodies temples but the pearls aint free
You'll find a god inside the throne room, Mister,
A little darkness in their history
I can feel Kachiko sliding up to me.

One night with Toku makes the good man humble
Not much between despair and ecstacy
One night with Toku and the tough guys tumble
Can't see To. Mitsu in his company
I can feel ol' Junzo walking next to me.

aflesch@calvin.usc.edu Alan Flesch, Dragon Clan Lounge Singer



Message on a Black Scroll


(Sung to : message in a bottle, by the Police)

Just an undead man
Shugenja lost his soul (OH)
Another boring day
Shadow-lands and me. (OH)
More oni here
than any man could bear (OH)
Amuse myself with this Touch of Despair (OH).

I will turn the Shadowlands on the World
I will turn the Shadowlands on the World
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message on a black scroll...

A year has passed since I launched my war.
I should have gotten it right from before.
My only hope is Dark Divination
Shapeshifting can help
But it can also be a bore... <Chorus>

Walked out this morning,
Don't believe what I saw!
An Iron Citadel raised,
Doorman a Walking Hor-ror!
Seems my Wasting Disease wasn't enough!
A hundred billion plague victims
looking for a home, oh. <Chorus>

aflesch@calvin.usc.edu Alan Flesch, Dragon Clan Lounge Singer


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